Funny 101, i am not one of those with parents of million rules

In the middle of the day there were naps. And naps were good.

I am not one of those parents with a million rules, but there is one thing I insist on: The first thing my kids should see when they wake up is a smile. For good measure after naps, I usually jump up and down when I walk into their room to show how excited I am to see them; this is clearly one of those things you 

 can do as a stay-at-home dad that you can’t do as a stay-at-work dad in the office. When the twins were babies, I’m fairly certain they thought they were about to be attacked by a crazed giant. Since the age of 18 months or so, they stand up in their cribs and jump up and down with me as I exclaim, “Naps are over! Naps are over!” — like a victory dance in an undeclared war against sleep.

Early on in this rollercoaster ride of raising kids, it struck me that among the many, many, responsibilities of being a parent — turns out there’s more to it than napping — was my need to make sure that my children learned what’s funny. Especially how to be funny. I’m a comedy writer and a Dad (not in that order) and I guess, like any Dr. Dad or Dad, Esq., I not-so-secretly hoped that my children might want to get into the family business. Even if it turns out that they just have to be a doctor or must be a lawyer, I want them to be the funniest ones they can be. Seriously: learning what’s funny — not just how to make people laugh, but how to view oneself with humor — I felt would help them grow into the wonderfully engaged human beings we hope they’ll become. Also, appreciating comedy seemed like a tangible skill I could teach them myself, between the lessons about not eating rocks or sticking things in electrical outlets. Fatherhood gave me a mission. My twins are my little lab experiments — my own really, really young Frankensteins.

I started thinking more seriously about the funny. How could I assemble the “rules” of comedy for them? How could I teach them to explore beyond the traditional “What did one inanimate thing say to another inanimate thing?” joke structure? How soon before they could do a cute “Who’s On First” routine at parties? Early on I told people that I was teaching one of them to understand satire and the other all about parody.

I started simply, with laughing lessons.

From the time my son, Lev, and my daughter, Shayna, were little, maybe three months old, I would place them on our bed after naps. Unable to roll over, they were just where I wanted them. I’d look down into their tiny little faces and begin chanting:

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…

Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…

Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi…

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho…

Huuu, huuu, huuu, huuu, huuu.”

It is not enough to just say this series of rhythmic syllables; you have to believe it, sell it. I would rub my hands around my Santa-sized stomach and continue the chant. “Ha, ha… Hee, hee… Hi, hi… Ho, ho… Huu, huuu.” It took a while, but eventually I earned some big smiles, sometimes even some spit-up.

I added my bits in my routine. I’d rub my tummy, do a bit of a jig, bop my big head around, and mix in a few loud and loving raspberries on their bellies. I have no scientific facts to back this up, but I firmly believe my twins discovered laughing earlier than most because of our daily lessons. Or, maybe it’s because the sessions were often conducted in my underwear.

Then we moved on to facial comedy. The bug-eyes. The cross-eyes. The double-take. Even a little spit-take just to show them that grown-ups do it too, and with the right comic timing, it isn’t just disgusting. After every bit, I’d laugh, to reinforce the lessons and show the munchkins that I was a friendly giant.

On those oh-so-rare days when the twins were a little off their game and the chanting and facial comedy weren’t working, I’d pull out my absolute killer, can’t-lose Rockettes bit. This is where I start singing something rockin’ — like a Springsteen song — and put their tiny little legs in my hands and dance them back and forth, building a rhythm I imagine even the Boss would admire. The key, besides not pulling the babys’ legs out of their sockets, is to start slow and build up to a joyful frenzy:“Baby, we were booorrrnnn tooo ruuunnnn!” This technique, which I humbly declare to have invented, has proven to be foolproof: I always get the laughs. I walk off the baby-stage confident that I’ve killed.

I admit that I like looking silly and stupid in front of my kids (and in front of your kids too, if they’re around). I only hope that by embracing fatherhood the way I have, and by assuming the heavy responsibility of being their comedy mentor, I’ve started Lev & Shayna on the road to a more joyful life. I’m trying to cover all the bases. Shortly after they were born, I decorated the walls of their hospital room with inspirational comedy quotes:

“I am thankful for laughter except when milk comes out of my nose.” 
- Woody Allen,

“As long as the world is turning and spinning we’re going to get dizzy and make mistakes.”
- Mel Brooks’ 2013-year-old man.

And right in the middle of the wall, in a larger-than-necessary font, are the sage words from one of the most influential dads in modern American history:

“I’ll teach you to laugh at what’s funny!” 
- Homer Simpson

The notion of comedy is evolving; my lesson plans as they learn to talk (and talk back) will need to keep up. Should I play alt-comedy records from David Cross? Let them watch Sarah Silverman’s Comedy Central show? Maybe I should get them to recite the seven dirty ones that George Carlin championed. (Fun at Grandma’s house, right?) The key is being open to improvisation. It’s not a full-time funfest at our house, but I try to focus on the laughter rather than the tears and howls.

What comes next, I’m not sure, but I feel confident that at least my children will know that the proper response to “I don’t know” is “Third base.”

Gary Rudoren is the author, with Eric Hoffman, of Comedy by the Numbers: The 169 Secrets of Humor and Popularity. He has written for various publications including Esquire, McSweeney’s, and Chicago Magazine. He lives with his family in Brooklyn, New York.

No. 1 Nation in Sexy Web Searches? Call it Pornistan

related terms.

This article was updated on July 14.

They may call it the "Land of the Pure," but Pakistan turns out to be anything but.

The Muslim country, which has banned content on at least 17 websites to block offensive and blasphemous material, is the world's leader in online searches for pornographic material, FoxNews.com has learned.

“You won’t find strip clubs in Islamic countries. Most Islamic countries have certain dress codes,” said Gabriel Said Reynolds, professor of Islamic Studies at the University of Notre Dame. “It would be an irony if they haven’t shown the same vigilance to pornography.”So here's the irony: Google ranks Pakistan No. 1 in the world in searches for pornographic terms, outranking every other country in the world in searches per person for certain sex-related content.

Pakistan is top dog in searches per-person for "horse sex" since 2004, "donkey sex" since 2007, "rape pictures" between 2004 and 2009, "rape sex" since 2004, "child sex" between 2004 and 2007 and since 2009, "animal sex" since 2004 and "dog sex" since 2005, according to Google Trends and Google Insights, features of Google that generate data based on popular search terms.

The country also is tops -- or has been No. 1 -- in searches for "sex," "camel sex," "rape video," "child sex video" and some other searches that can't beGoogle Trends generates data of popular search terms in geographic locations during specific time frames. Google Insights is a more advanced version that allows users to filter a search to geographic locations, time frames and the nature of a search, including web, images, products and news.

Pakistan ranked No. 1 in all the searches listed above on Google Trends, but on only some of them in Google Insights.

“We do our best to provide accurate data and to provide insights into broad search patterns, but the results for a given query may contain inaccuracies due to data sampling issues, approximations, or incomplete data for the terms entered,” Google said in a statement, when asked about the accuracy of its reports.

The Embassy of Islamic Republic of Pakistan did not reply to a request for an interview.

In addition to banning content on 17 websites, including islamexposed.blogspot.com, Pakistan is monitoring seven other sites -- Google, Yahoo, Bing, YouTube, Amazon, MSN and Hotmail -- for anti-Islamic content, the Associated Press reported in June.

But it’s not to censor the Pakistani people, Reynolds said. It’s to shut out the rest of the world.

“[It] could lead to conversion, which would undermine the very order of the state,” he said. “Part of protecting the society is making sure that there is no way it could be undermined in terms of foreign influences.”

Pakistan temporarily banned Facebook in May when Muslim groups protested the “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day” page, where users were encouraged to upload pictures of the Prophet Muhammad. The page remained on Facebook, but Pakistani users were unable to view it, said Andrew Noyes, manager of Facebook’s Public Policy Communication.

And while Pakistan is taking measures to prevent blasphemous material from being viewed by its citizens, pornographic material is “certainly” contradictory to Islam, too, Reynolds said.

The country’s punishment for those charged with blasphemy is execution, but the question remains what -- if anything -- can be done about people who search for porn on the Web.

“It’s a new phenomenon,” Reynolds said.

Pixar's 'Up' house can be yours for $399,000

The film by the Emeryville-based studio tells the story of an elderly man who strikes up an unlikely relationship with a young scout after his wife passes away.

But for those "Up" fans who like to blur reality and bring digital animation to real life, they can now live in a real life replica of the house from the movie.

Out of all of Pixar's mega hits, "Up" seemed to strike a deep chord with both adults and children alike.

For one, it might have had the sweetest story of any Pixar movie and it by far had one of the most emotional scenes of any of the company's flicks.The only problem is the house is located in Utah and nowhere near the Fenton's on Oakland's Piedmont Avenue, as shown in the movie.

Utah-based home builder Bangerter Homes just finished building a four-bedroom, 2,800-square-foot replica of the home with the exact colors any interior details as well, including replica furniture as well.

As close as the house may look to the real thing, it is not an exact replica because the builder says there was no blueprint available for them to follow.

The house was built with the full permission of Disney, Pixar's parent company, with the condition that the builder turn over the plans for the house once it was built.

The house can be yours for $399,000.